Women absolutely need love.
Men absolutely need respect.
It’s as simple and as complicated as that…
-Dr. Emerson Eggrichs
In fairness, in the research cited in the book, about 4/5′s of men need respect and about 3/4 of the women say love is their primary need, so it is more than a tad complicated but still a significant difference between the genders. Like all things psychological, there are exceptions to every rule but knowing a ‘likelihood’ can provide heartmates a starting point for understanding one another.
Before I get too far into my review, I just have to say that you must pick up this book. Literally. It just feels good to hold – the perfect weight and size with beautiful thick pages and an embossed cover. I’m a huge fan of reading on my iPhone, but my reveiw copy of this book made me remember how good it feels sometimes to hold an actual book. The designer for this “gift book” edition deserves an award, especially if they fix the one letter typo I found in my review copy. But I digress…
In this “get to the point” edition of the national bestseller Love and Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs blatantly asserts that men and women are generally different in at least one key regard. He claims that, while both genders require love and respect, in general men express a greater “felt need” for respect and women for love. (Note: Early results of our poll seem to cooberate the study). Furthermore, he suggests that understanding this difference can be a key to establishing a healthy marriage.
When you touch your spouse’s deepest need, something good almost always happens. The key to energizing your spouse is meeting your spouse’s heartfelt desire.
After establishing his premise, much of the rest of the book sets about offering ideas on how one can show love and respect. Whether or not you are convinced of the premise of the book, there are many points to ponder in the book that will ring true. For example, I was convicted by the following:
When you come home after you have been apart, the first few moments of reconnecting will set the tone for the rest of the evening.
Of late, during report card season, most of my arrivals have involved coming in the door, dropping my stuff out of exhaustion, and heading straight to my computer to check my messages. I was reminded how my Mrs. is my touchstone, not Facebook. The book, given that it is a gift book, is full of pithy statements like this that will inform and remind you of your commitment to your spouse and how you can show your love and respect effectively to one another.
Is this book for everyone? No. The book proposes differences between men and women in the blunt, unashamed way peculiar to Christian book culture and this may be offputting to some. There are also references to the Bible that may keep others from reading the book. It is too bad because I am confident that there is a gem or two in here for every couple and in those pithy jewels there are seeds for better relationships for all.