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	<title>RatedGRomance.com &#187; Love</title>
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	<link>http://ratedgromance.com</link>
	<description>Blabbing about romance beyond the bedroom. Married 28 years and still looking for new ways to show her I love her.</description>
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		<title>At Depression&#8217;s End</title>
		<link>http://ratedgromance.com/2011/10/23/at-depressions-end/</link>
		<comments>http://ratedgromance.com/2011/10/23/at-depressions-end/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 24 Oct 2011 06:05:50 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Gregory Blake</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Our Love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Top Stories]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Behavioral Activation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Depression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Evanovich]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Paxil]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Stephanie Plum]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Switchfoot]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://ratedgromance.com/?p=1780</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[&#8220;I think I’m ready to try coming off my meds,&#8221; she announced, holding my hand tightly. I smiled as we continued our walk around the lake. “It’s funny you should mention it. I’ve been resisting the urge to suggest the same thing.” This was in mid-August. I am happy to say that, as of Tuesday, my lovely wife will have been off Paxil for two weeks. It marks the beginning of a new stage of our lives together; one, hopefully, now and forevermore, free of clinical depression. In February of this year, I posted about her stuggles – actually our struggles &#8211; in an article called “Our Valentine’s Day Victory.” To summarize, my heartmate has lived nearly half her life under the dark cloud of clinical depression and has been on anti-depression meds for the past 12 years. However, this year she started to show signs of recovery. I can’t tell you how momentous the progress has been. I had to update our story. I’m sure that everyone’s path to recovery will look different, but I believe the following, in a no-particular-order-often-overlapping way, played a huge part in my Mrs’ recovery. 1)      The desire to change “So, you don’t really [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://ratedgromance.com/2011/10/23/at-depressions-end/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>The &#8220;To Know&#8221; List</title>
		<link>http://ratedgromance.com/2011/07/26/the-to-know-list/</link>
		<comments>http://ratedgromance.com/2011/07/26/the-to-know-list/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 26 Jul 2011 17:13:38 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Gregory Blake</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Know]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Top Stories]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Attentiveness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[heartmate]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[list]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[to know]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://ratedgromance.com/?p=1654</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[What follows is a list of information that I&#8217;d recommend you know about your heartmate. Having the list with you either in your memory, phone or wallet can help ensure your spur of the moment romantic gestures are spot on. THINGS TO KNOW Basics: Birthday &#8211; Dah! Anniversary &#8211; Double dah! Ring Size(s) &#8211; Can be a comparison to one of your fingers. Clothing sizes &#8211; e.g. shirt (t, golf, dress), skirt, suit, pants, jeans, bra and panty size Shoe size Allergies: metal, food, materials (e.g. Sandra is allergic to angora. Also nickel content making purer gold, silver important.) Preferences: No leather, etc. Favorites: Color Drink(s) Foods(s) &#38; Treat(s) Comfort food Stores Local restaurants Local attractions Music/Artists/Genre Authors/Genres of books Movies/Genres/Actors Radio station(s) Music (especially memorable/meaningful songs and their associations) Firsts: Date Kiss Time Everyday things together (car, grocery shopping) Wow Extras: Parent/Sibling Birthdays With my old-guy memory such as it is, I actually try and keep a list like this for each of the &#8220;irreplaceable others&#8221; in my life. Can you think of any other items  that should be added to the list above? ]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://ratedgromance.com/2011/07/26/the-to-know-list/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>What is Sadness?</title>
		<link>http://ratedgromance.com/2011/06/25/what-is-sadness/</link>
		<comments>http://ratedgromance.com/2011/06/25/what-is-sadness/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 25 Jun 2011 15:29:26 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Gregory Blake</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Unraveling the Psychobabble]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Happiness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Love Maps]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Psychology]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sadness]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://ratedgromance.com/?p=1530</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Is sadness the opposite of happiness? Clinicians, do you have a real definition? It seems ridiculous, but I&#8217;m not entirely sure I know. During some quiet time, my wife and I were sharing answers to a few of the questions I&#8217;d read while flipping through the Love Maps app from the Gottman Institute. The question for me was, &#8220;What was your partner&#8217;s happiest moment?&#8221; That one was a easy &#8211; our wedding day. If you saw the smile on her face that day, the choice was obvious. Her face literally hurt at the end of the day. We talked about why that day made her happy. She talked about feelings of love, joy, accomplishment, and even relief. Like I say, an obvious choice. But then the obvious discussion point coming back to me was &#8220;What was the saddest day in your life?&#8221; &#8220;Hmmm&#8230; It depends on what you mean by sad,&#8221; was my reply. &#8220;Is sad the opposite of happy? I&#8217;ve felt misunderstood, hurt, frustrated, lonely, anxious, left-out, pained, and have even felt feelings of loss - occasionally in combination. Would my saddest moment just be one of those moments or is &#8216;sad&#8217; something different? I&#8217;m not sure I&#8217;ve ever felt just plain &#8216;sad.&#8217;&#8221; So [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://ratedgromance.com/2011/06/25/what-is-sadness/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>6</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Q &amp; A: @attachedthebook</title>
		<link>http://ratedgromance.com/2011/03/27/q-a-attachedthebook/</link>
		<comments>http://ratedgromance.com/2011/03/27/q-a-attachedthebook/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 27 Mar 2011 23:04:34 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Gregory Blake</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Reviews]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Amir Levine]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Attached]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Attachment Theory]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[interview]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rachel Heller]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Romance]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[romantic gestures]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://ratedgromance.com/?p=1507</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I believe &#8220;Attached&#8221; by Amir Levine, M.D. &#38; Rachel Heller is a &#8220;must read&#8221; book for those interested in pursuing healthy, loving relationships (see my review). I am excited to be able to present the following e-Interview with the authors. At RatedGRomance.com and on my Twitter feed I discuss romantic gestures (specifically beyond the bedroom). Can you comment on how romantic gestures might play out for/be perceived by people of the three types of attachment styles? Romantic gestures are super important. They solidify our secure base and form the foundation for our emotional and physiological well-being. It’s easy to take our secure base for granted with our busy schedules but by doing so we undermine our very foundations (for more about the secure base, one of the most important concepts for understanding romantic relationships, see chapter 2 in ATTACHED). Romantic gestures don&#8217;t need to be elaborate or expensive. In fact, simple gestures can often be more rewarding. Each couple has to find the gestures they&#8217;re most comfortable with. If, for example, one of the partners has an avoidant attachment style, a fun and less overtly romantic joint activity might work best. If I am understanding the book, you posit that [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://ratedgromance.com/2011/03/27/q-a-attachedthebook/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Review: “Attached” by Amir Levine, M.D. &amp; Rachel Heller, M.A.</title>
		<link>http://ratedgromance.com/2011/03/27/attached/</link>
		<comments>http://ratedgromance.com/2011/03/27/attached/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 27 Mar 2011 15:17:48 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Gregory Blake</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Reviews]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Amir Levine]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Attached]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Attachment Theory]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rachel Heller]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://ratedgromance.com/?p=1491</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[At RatedGRomance, I hear from a lot of women who ache to find a romantic heartmate. They are looking for the kind of guy who craves intimacy; a man who is super attentive &#8211; the kind of lover who seems to have a freaky hyper-sense of a woman’s emotional state; a heartmate who believes they must work hard to keep their lover’s interest and are committed to doing so; a mate so tuned into her that he lets her set the tone of the relationship. When asked, these same women probably would tell you that they don’t want a man who plays games to get their attention; a guy hypersensitive to even the possibility of rejection; someone who clearly has the ability to be “needy.” I am that guy &#8211; both of them &#8211; or at least I have the potential to be and I never truly understood why until I read Attached. In their book, Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller use findings from the field of attachment theory to help decode how people interact with those they are closest too. Attachment theory traces its roots back to researcher John Bowlby.  As stated in the book, Bowlby posited that [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://ratedgromance.com/2011/03/27/attached/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>10</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Our Valentine’s Day Victory</title>
		<link>http://ratedgromance.com/2011/02/16/our-valentines-day-victory/</link>
		<comments>http://ratedgromance.com/2011/02/16/our-valentines-day-victory/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 16 Feb 2011 17:26:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Gregory Blake</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Our Love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Depression]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Hope]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Valentine's day]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://ratedgromance.com/?p=1458</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[This Valentine&#8217;s Day something beautiful and wonderful and marvellous happened in our home &#8211; my Mrs. took over Valentine&#8217;s Day. I&#8217;m not being sarcastic and no I&#8217;m not trying to make some masculist statement about gender equality and romantic gestures. Rather, my wife’s efforts nearly brought me to tears as they marked another milestone in her climb out of the dark clouds of clinical depression. Before clinical depression hit our home, I would have been one of those uninformed people that thought depression and deep sadness were synonyms. I remember saying things like “you’ve got a nice home, a good job, great kids, and a husband that loves you. What is there to be ‘funked’ about?” Being totally vulnerable here, I suspect that one of the reasons I pursued romantic gestures in our relationship so vigorously was that I felt I might be able to make my Mrs. “un-depressed” by providing her with happy moments. In retrospect, that’s a little like thinking I could cure arthritis in a joint by massaging it. My efforts helped with the pain of the symptoms, for a moment, but I had no hope of curing the disease. Clinical depression is not simply accentuated sadness. [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://ratedgromance.com/2011/02/16/our-valentines-day-victory/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Long Distance Love?</title>
		<link>http://ratedgromance.com/2011/02/06/long-distance-love/</link>
		<comments>http://ratedgromance.com/2011/02/06/long-distance-love/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 07 Feb 2011 06:30:10 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Gregory Blake</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Ideas for Romantics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Long Distance Love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[romantic gestures]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Valentine's day]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://ratedgromance.com/?p=1432</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[    I was one of the original tele-commuters, traveling back and forth between Vancouver and Columbus, OH for work in the 80’s. I was never gone more than two weeks at a time, but at the end of those two weeks I was always ready to go home. I craved face to face communication; the kind of affirmative words that only a smile can convey. Flash forward to today. The internet has been a blessing to many, connecting potential soulmates across the miles. However, I would be very surprised if one side effect of this has not been an increase in long distance relationships. Add to this overseas military deployment and there will be a lot of couples away from each other this Valentine’s Day. I would love to hear your ideas about how heartmates can to bridge the gap this Valentine’s Day.  Here are a few to get things started. Words of Affirmation Plan a romantic txt barrage. A top 10 (or ?) countdown of the things you most appreciate about your heartmate. Send a poem or loving message on the back of numbered postcards &#8211; one word at a time. Have your heartmate puzzle together the clues [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://ratedgromance.com/2011/02/06/long-distance-love/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>What is Love?</title>
		<link>http://ratedgromance.com/2009/05/23/what-is-love/</link>
		<comments>http://ratedgromance.com/2009/05/23/what-is-love/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 23 May 2009 15:59:52 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Gregory Blake</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Unraveling the Psychobabble]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Limerance]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Spouse]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://ratedgromance.com/?p=134</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[“What’s love to you?” “I don’t know. You tell me!” A dear friend caught me off guard a while back when she challenged me to define love. It turned out to be a lot harder than I thought. The problem for me was not that I don’t know what love is, but rather I had a hard time trying to identify and pull apart the characteristics of the kind of love we were talking about – spousal love; the love you hope you can share with a partner for a lifetime. I had to think about it a lot and essentially the best I could come up with is that it is a kind of “pinnacle” love… it contains all the characteristics of many kinds of love. So, for example, I believe the sentiments of the following verse: “And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” While this is a component of my relationship with my Mrs., obviously I love her differently than I love God or my neighbor. [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://ratedgromance.com/2009/05/23/what-is-love/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>3</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>In the Pit – Our Valentine’s Day</title>
		<link>http://ratedgromance.com/2009/05/18/in-the-pit-our-valentines-day/</link>
		<comments>http://ratedgromance.com/2009/05/18/in-the-pit-our-valentines-day/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 18 May 2009 14:55:14 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Gregory Blake</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Our Love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Romance]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Valentine's day]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://ratedgromance.com/?p=85</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Now that the site is up and running, I just had to write up our Valentine’s Day. The Mrs. and I had a really special day.

The day started with me giving my Mrs. the black fuzzy scarf I had been secretly knitting for her. I’d been sprinkling gifts throughout the week (flowers, a couple books on making handbags/purses, etc.), but the scarf definitely got the best response. It was simple, mostly because I had just rediscovered how to knit.  I eventually had decided on a “no tassels” design to which I attached three heart shaped lockets with pictures attached. I also finally got to tell her about the knitting explosion in my class, so we got to share some laughs there. ‘A great way to start the day.

After lunch, the Mrs. did a little work over at her mom’s which gave me some time to Mapquest all of the sites, make up a romantic mix CD for the car, and get otherwise prepared for the day. This was our first attempt at a “surrender date” (i.e. all the decisions in my hands), so I wanted to be prepared if I was going to be responsible for everything.
]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://ratedgromance.com/2009/05/18/in-the-pit-our-valentines-day/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>3</slash:comments>
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